All I Want for Christmas is….the Flu?

First day of vacation - diagnosed with the flu.
Awesome.

On the bright side, you can expect lots of overdue teaching experience updates since I'll have nothing else to do but quarantine myself in my bedroom!
Also, I get to wear a really cool mask around….
So much for finishing up my Christmas shopping!

In the doctor's office having just been told the news…

Waiting for Superman

A coworker of mine sent me this info today - just thought I'd pass it along!

Borders gives schools free gift cards worth $15:

The much discussed documentary "Waiting for Superman," which offers a harsh portrait of the country's public schools, has inspired a promotional collaboration among the Borders Group superstore chain, an education fundraiser and the publisher of the movie's companion book.

On Dec. 4 and Dec. 5, any Borders customer making an in-store purchase, whether of a book or a bagel or a latte, will receive a $15 gift card to donate to a public school of choice through DonorsChoose.org, an Internet-based charity.

Anyone purchasing the book "Waiting for 'Superman': How We Can Save America's Failing Public Schools" will receive a second $15 card. The companion text was published by PublicAffairs, part of the Perseus Books Group, which along with Borders and DonorsChoose.org announced the campaign Sunday.

Recess Chatter

Student: (in a non-chalant tone)
"I'm glad I don't have a doctor's appointment today. I got it on the 40th."

Me: (chuckling)
"There is no 40th of the month."

Student: (first confusion, then denial)
"Yes there is!!!"

(child abruptly exits scene by running off to play)

Rick Roll Stealing the Constitution's Thunder

Each year, our school puts on a special assembly for Veteran's Day. This year, I was recruited as a part of the planning committee and, somewhere along the lines, ended up assigned to sing a duet with our school music teacher. (I'm honestly still not sure how that happened.) Anyway, my kids had been hearing about the upcoming assembly, so I planned to talk with them briefly during Morning Meeting on Wednesday about why we celebrate Veteran's Day. My hope was that with a little refreshing they'd be ready to celebrate with full gusto during today's assembly.
Almost immediately, our discussion was lead to the concept of freedom. Going with the idea, I said to my students, "Raise your hand if you have heard of the Constitution." Blank stares. So I repeated the question, "Raise your hand if you have ever heard of the Constitution." More blank stares, a few bewildered looks.
"Oh.
my.
gosh,"
I thought to myself. "They have no idea what the Constitution of the United States of America is. At all. They haven't even heard of it. And they're in THIRD GRADE."
That means in four years of school the Constitution has scarcely, if ever, been mentioned.
Scary right?

In that moment, I made an executive decision to trash whatever curriculum I had planned for the day and instead focus on bringing my kids up to speed before the assembly. I mean, in my mind, this was a justifiable emergency. I memorized the preamble to the United States Constitution in the second grade - and I still remember it!

I went immediately to the closet in my classroom to retrieve the replica copy of the Constitution which I purchased in DC when I was 14. Yes, I still have it. (In that moment, I was SO thankful for my pack-rat tendencies!!) It's one of those old-looking crinkled paper copies that looks totally legit. My kids loved it.
From there we had a great discussion about freedom and how our armed forced have helped to keep us safe and free. We decided to write letters to veterans and, although I had to give them sentence starters on all four sentences because they literally cannot write a complete sentence on their own, their letters turned out really great! I was genuinely impressed by their thoughtfulness :)
Afterwards, we read through the Preamble to the Constitution together several times and practiced singing it with the School House Rock version. I found the School House Rock video online - thank you YouTube. I noticed there was a video posted that had the words of the preamble included. I thought, "Great! This will be perfect to help them sing along!" I projected the video on a big screen so all the kids could see, and it was great. Just like the good 'ol days ;)
We're all singing along, wrapped up in Preamble bliss when
BAM: I got Rick Rolled!
If you are unfamiliar with what it means to be Rick Rolled, you'll soon find out :)



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rickrolling


Ending on a more serious note, my kids enjoyed the Veteran's Day assembly today; and I feel they were better able to appreciate the meaning of the holiday thanks to our day of unplanned patriotic discussions and activities. I was even able to recruit a member of both the Air Force and Army to come in uniform to speak to my kids after the assembly today! What a treat!

P.S. I sent home copies of the Preamble with my students on Wednesday with the challenge to have it memorized by the next day, and THREE of them were able to recite it by heart! One of them even sang it School House Rock style :)

P.P.S. A specials thanks to Ra for devoting your day to volunteer in my classroom!!! I loved having you there!! :)

Evaluation Sparks Evaluation

I had my first formal teacher evaluation!
After observing me in action three times thus far (always popping in by surprise to keep things more authentic, of course) and taking extensive notes, my Assistant Principal called me down to discuss my first evaluation!
I was surprised/thankful/speechless/happy/wow-ed to find that I received a mark of 'satisfactory' in all areas. Now, I know in some circumstances 'satisfactory' stands for mediocre, but on our evals it's the highest mark you can get! Woohoo!!!!!
I was honestly expecting a more harsh report. I don't feel like I'm teaching in a way that's deserving of all high marks, but I guess that means for a rookie I'm doing okay so far :) Along with the basic marks, my principal did include tons of great notes on what she specifically observed - among her notes was some really quality feedback. I have to tell you that although my evaluation was better than I had expected, it was not perfect. What I took away as her most impactful advice is generalized into the following few words: I need to lighten up.

She told me that there are times when my facial expressions communicate a more harsh message than I'm intending to convey. The specific example she gave me was of a time in class when I called on a student to answer a question and when they didn't answer correctly, I said, "Hmmm, is that correct? Let's think about it…" while pressing my lips together and furrowing my brow like I was thinking. Apparently my "thinking face" is a straight up frown. This caused the student to immediately feel like they failed (It hurts my heart to realize this). My principal told me that I said all the right words to help her recover and to guide her to give the correct answer, BUT it was the initial facial expression that sent a negative vibe. I could say all the positive, encouraging words in the world to my students, but the look on my face (which I'm, sadly, often oblivious to) is what really speaks to my students. My facials should say, instead, "Great guess! I'm glad you took a risk! I appreciate your willingness to try! Let's see if we can work together to find the right answer!" Those are the words I was speaking with my mouth, but my body language could afford to learn a thing or two...

She also reminded me that it's okay to let my kids see that I actually enjoy what I'm doing, that I love teaching and chose this profession because it's what I want to do each day. She suggested that I SMILE and allow myself to be silly with them once in awhile.
Man, that's hard to hear.
I want to be a happy, smiley, positive, fun-loving teacher. That's the sort of teacher I always imagined myself to be! However, truth be told, it's quite possible there are days that I go without smiling in my classroom.
Each day, when I wake up, I psych myself up to go teach like a champion! I ask Jesus for help to show his loving character to my students. Let me tell you…..it's surprising how quickly those kiddos can drain the positivity from your bones. No matter how I resist, it seems sooner or later in the day they break me. The level of positivity I possess fails to overpower the extent to which they deliberately disobey and misbehave. At 8:00am I'm feeling good, by 10:00am I'm a Nazi.



As I've been reflecting on these things, it's occurred to me that I continually feel like I'm rushing throughout the school day. I'm rushing to fit a large amount of content into a small window of time. I'm rushing to transition from one activity to the next so that I lose as little instructional time as possible. I'm hesitant to take my kids on a bathroom break because that means less time for teaching. I'm rushing rushing rushing because it feels like if I don't then I'm not teaching my kids everything they need to know. It's extremely difficult to not feel the pressure of testing. I never thought I would fall into the trap of testing. But it's a tricky tricky trap. My students came to me so low to begin with that I find myself rushing to teach them what they should have learned in previous grades so that I can somehow bring them up to third grade level by the end of the year. It's insanity.
I've realized that all this rushing is never going to promote a positive classroom environment. It makes for a terrible environment, actually. I'm not enjoying school. They're not enjoying school. It does not benefit any party involved.

I'm now convinced that if I will simply allow myself to slow down and stop being so gosh darn driven by the quantity of what I'm teaching and start focusing instead on the quality of what I'm teaching, it will prove to be a much better practice for myself and for my students in the end. I think a lot of the negativity I'm feeling on a daily basis stems from the fact that, more often than not, I'm functioning in a state of stress. Sometimes I don't event realize I'm stressed because I've grown so accustomed to the feeling - no lie. I believe that if I allow myself to sloooow doooowwn every so often, refusing to live and teach in stress-mode, I will be a better teacher. I will be more able to keep from losing my cool when my patience is being tested for the umpteenth time. I believe I will be more likely to smile throughout each day and have generally happy expressions on my face! I believe it will be easier to let myself be a little silly sometimes, remembering that I teach a group of kids not navy seals. I am not a drill sergeant. I am a teacher. Sometimes it would appear I've forgotten.

With the help of the One who can save me from myself, I will remember each day to slow down - to retrain my focus to be on quality and not always on quantity. I will seek supernatural JOY to be able to smile at my students more often than I frown.
Check back to see how I'm doing :)

It's the Small Things in Life

As I was grocery shopping tonight, I happened to be strolling down the isle that is stocked with all sorts of organic, super-healthy canned goods like Campbell's Spaghetti O's and Chef Boyardee Ravioli when, to my delight, I spotted a lone can of cheese ravioli! Here's the deal about cheese ravioli: it's NEVER in stock. Ever. Meat ravioli graces the shelves in abundance, but not so for cheese. At times, I've wondered if it's been discontinued. But every so often, I am pleasantly surprised :) Tonight, I post whilst dining on Chef Boyardee cheese ravioli. I don't even want to think about the fact that it's cheese…in a can…sans refrigeration… just let me indulge in ignorant bliss!
I realize ravioli has little to do with teaching…..but I was excited and wanted to share. Such a rare find was (sadly) the highlight of my day.
Sigh.
I'm tired of raising my voice.
I'm tired of my kids not caring about school. It makes it really difficult to teach them.

Fall Fun

This post is a bit delayed, but better late than never!

In October, I finally managed to change the bulletion board outside my classroom - just in time for Open House! To which, as stated earlier, only 5 families attended. Regardless, it needed to be changed badly from the 'welcome' themed board that had been up since the first day of school and was literally falling apart at the seams (well, staples in this case). So, with the help of a good friend who tirelessly cut out the lettering and individual pumpkins, my fall-themed board is up and running!


On the last Friday in October, I carved a pumpkin with my class. During centers, small groups of students got to take turns sharing in the different steps to create a jack-o-lantern. You wouldn't believe how many of my students had never before carved a pumpkin!
I let the students design and vote on their own face for the pumpkin, which was naturally named Mario due to the moustache.





We had a great time carving Mario :) Well worth the mess. Although, I must say, my kids had waaay too much fun with the pumpkin pulp…sticking it to their faces, rolling it into balls…you name it, they found a way to play with it.


In an effort to tie Mario to academic content, we applied the whole experience to writing - Students practiced their sequencing skills by writing out the steps to carve a pumpkin.


See, some days we do get to have fun at school :)

Teaching is Full of Surprises!

Sunday:
After returning from a relaxing Fall Break trip, I stay up into wee hours of the morning entering grades for first quarter report cards that are due the following day.

Monday:
Surprise! The instructions on how to enter assignments into the grade book software were not given correctly. All grades are entered wrong and must be fixed (aka redo) by midnight!
Surprise! We're giving first quarter cumulative benchmark assessments this week!!
Surprise! Your below-level third graders (aka 80%) will likely freak out when they see the length of the passages which they are expected to read!

Tuesday:
Surprise! The scoring software is not compatible! Teachers will be hand-scoring all benchmark tests! As well as doing our own test item analysis!
Surprise! Student has an emotional breakdown!
Surprise! You have to teach specials during your plan time because there is a sub and, although nice, she's a total goon and your class is about to overtake her!
Surprise! Only 5 show up for Open House!

Wednesday:
Surprise! The sub for Ms. R didn't show up! Her class is being split between the other third grade teachers!
Surprise! Third grade is switching to a different, older, supposedly better reading curriculum! We don't have any complete sets, but hey, resourcefulness is what we're good at! Right?


Best of all: There are still two full school days left in this week for even more surprises! YAY!!

Fall Break in Photographs

Bieber Fever

When assigning the spiral notebooks my students brought with their school supplies, I came across one with a very supermodel-looking Justin Bieber printed all over it. I collectively asked my class who it belonged to so that I could be sure to write the correct name inside. As I was looking across the room at each of my girls, waiting for a response, I heard a voice say, "That's mine!" I turned to see who the voice belonged to and, to my suprise, it came from one of my little boys. And he was claiming that Bieber book with pride!
I had to remind myself in that moment (as I was trying my best not to chuckle) that when you're a third grader, you're totally allowed to be a boy and have Bieber fever.

Grading Blitz 2010

400 papers.
3 people.
2 hours.

A tremendous thank you to my friend Ra and her momma for their willingness to spend a Saturday morning helping me to conquer what, otherwise, would have been an insurmountable amount of work.

You are wonderful. You are incredible. You are amazing. I could go on... Words can't describe how seriously grateful I am! I am indebted to you forever.
Love you both!

As I'm now entering assignments in the grade book, I'm realizing it would have been a MUCH better decision to grade along the way… Maybe then I would have realized how many of my students weren't turning in their work… or completing their work... or that one of my students has a 23% in math (not including missing assignments)…

Live and learn.

From now on, I'm grading papers at least once a week.


Before I sign off, I'd like to add one more thing to this post…
BOOMER SOONER!!

That's better. :)

Confession

It's well into the sixth week of school and I have yet to grade a single paper.

Not because I'm lazy, but because a first year teacher's got to prioritize.
And, up to this point, planning what I'm going to teach the next day has taken precedence over less pressing issues… like grading.
Only now it's becoming a pressing issue.
For a couple of reasons:
a) Report cards will be issued for the first quarter of school in a mere three weeks.
b) My students each have a hanging file in which they place their completed work for all subjects. A few days ago, one of my students very politely asked me if I could please take some papers out of the files because she can't fit anymore work in her folder…….

Now, in my district our grade book is live online. Parents can access their child's grades at any time simply by logging in to a website. I imagine most parents wouldn't be too thrilled if they could see that their child's teacher has yet to enter a single assignment thus far...
One perk about working in a low-income school: most of our parents don't have access to the internet. (cha-ching)
And the ones who do likely won't take the time to go to the administration building to get a login ID. (cha-ching)
I realize from a certain angle this is a sad reality… But for me it's a small victory! If my students' parents were faithfully checking for postings online, I'd probably be receiving some preeetty unpleasant phone calls.

This is quite certainly the first time I've thought that something about working in a low-income school actually makes my life easier. Weird.

I'd like to leave you with a "short story" one of my students wrote today in class.
I am a big fan of laminating colored copies of center activities and letting students work using dry-erase markers. This way the pages are reusable, and it saves TONS of paper (maybe literally). So, in an effort to keep my kids accountable for actually doing work during the writing center, I asked them to show me the stories they wrote before they could erase them. This one was my favorite of the day:


You think I could get this wizard to do some grading for me?

A More Than Pleasant Surprise

Guys!!!!!!!

We did centers for the first time today AND it wasn't a disaster!!!!! Woohoo!!!!!!!

Our school day is designed for my students to rotate through learning centers for a full hour and twenty minutes each morning. The idea is for students to spend time working independently on various reading, word study, writing, and math activities while I work with small groups on targeted reading skills and strategies.
I've been procrastinating when it comes to implementing centers in my classroom...mostly because I don't trust my kids (yet) to work autonomously for twenty-minute periods (not to mention rotating around the room on their own...ha).
But, I was feeling the pressure from our literacy coach to get started; because the small literacy instruction groups really are crucial for students who are struggling. Soooo, I went for it.

First, I took time to explain how we would rotate, my expectations for behavior (mostly voice levels), and what they would be doing at each center. Then, without holding my breath, I sent each group to their first center location…
and…
they. worked. in. dead. silence.

OH
MY
GOSH
it's a miracle!!!

I'm so happy to say that my students proved me way wrong today! They can behave themselves after all :) Who'd have thunk it??

Now, naturally, by the fourth and final rotation they became a bit restless - but, guys, they worked for a full hour like civilized little beings.

I told them that if centers continued like this I was going to have to buy them all something awesome for Christmas!!
...maayybe I should have considered how limited my teacher budget is before making such an enthusiastic promise……..meh!

Say Hello to My Little Friend

On Tuesday, I introduced what has become my secret weapon…



It's called a blurt chart.

And this is how it works:

Each day every student starts with three "blurts" next to their assigned number. I give them a warning for their first "blurt" each day. A blurt, in my classroom, is defined as talking during instruction or while I'm talking without first raising your hand and waiting to be called on. Each time a student blurts after the warning has been given, without stopping my instruction or interrupting the lesson, I simply walk over to the chart and take a blurt from next to their number. If/when all three blurts are gone, their parent is called immediately - no ifs, ands, or buts. (Again, praise God that my students' parents have agreed that I can call them mid-day! I LOVE parent support.) I give an M&M to each student who still has all three of their blurts at the end of the day. (I know, one M&M. Seems a bit meager, ey? It's my way of rewarding those who consistently make good choices, but not to the extent that they are working for the sake of the candy alone. I'm not about to have a classroom full of bratty, walmart-aisle-type children who will only work for candy haha. It is wise to not underestimate how quickly that can happen...)

Pretty simple, right?
And it works like a dream!!
I'm not kidding - my students were like a whole different class with this procedure in place. I was honestly amazed at what some little clip art squares velcroed to a poster can do.
It has really helped my little "blurters" become more aware and begin to practice self-monitoring their behavior. Several of my students now catch themselves when they start to blurt and quickly place their hand over their mouth and raise their hand (they do not get a blurt removed if they self-correct). I think that some of my students were really just unaware of how often they were talking during class - and it is for those students that this chart was designed.

The blurt chart paired with playing catch with my students on recess was a winning combination.
My kids must have thought I was the coolest teacher ever since I could actually spiral a football (not to mention I was naturally able to throw it twice as far as any of my little third graders).
By simply playing with my students I was able to make leaps and bounds in the quality of our classroom interactions. It's amazing how correlated a student's behavior is to their relationship with you. I guess it really is true that students don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Below is a photo which perfectly combats a previously uploaded image bearing preeettty much the exact opposite sentiment. Needless to say, I prefer this one by far.


Thank you, J, for teaching me how to properly throw a football haha - we had no idea what the payoff would be down the road! I'm so grateful that you took the time to practice with me :)


(This week we're starting an "out of your seat" chart as well…..muah ha ha HA ha)

Discouragement

I meant everything I said in my previous post about choosing joy. I did. And I'm trying, but still really struggling with feeling discouraged.
To not give in to discouragement at my school is honestly a daily battle.

My class looped up from second grade. So most of the students, with the exception of a few who were added to the mix, were all together last year.
In a quick conversation I had with my principal about my class, she said (and I know she was actually trying to be encouraging in her own way), "Last year the teacher who taught your class didn't have problems. They were a pretty good class, so you really shouldn't be having these behavior issues with them."
I think she was meaning to imply that things should get better quickly - trying to instill some hope in me maybe. But it's difficult to not take that statement personally, as though it's just me that's the issue. Like the whole problem must be wrapped up in the way that I'm doing things.
Sigh.
I'm trying really hard to not buy into such discouraging thoughts, and to not believe them as truths.

In reality, two of the four kids who I'm really struggling with were not in this class last year. And those two students work to set of my other two challenging kids who were in the class last year. It's amazing what changing just two kids can do to the dynamic of a classroom.
I mean, today I had kids literally bickering at each other from across the classroom in the middle of a lesson - a growing occurrence among certain students, unfortunately.
It starts out by one student blurting out in a loud voice that "So-And-So called me __________!!!"
Followed by So-And-So's retaliation of "Well, she threw a pencil at me!!!!"
Which quickly escalates into a full on argument, aaaannnnd there goes the focus on math! The entire class is now involved in their exchange of blame and rudeness. I don't even blame the little girl who wants to be moved out of my classroom. It's incredible what goes on!

Today, I called FIVE parents about this type of behavior on my way home from work. Five. Do teachers at other schools have to call that many parents on a daily basis?? I'm just wondering.
Thankfully (refocusing on the positive here), I do have parents who are very supportive and willing to reinforce classroom expectations at home. Parent support is a coin toss at places like my school. My parents may not always be willing or able to read with their child at night or sign their Thursday folder, BUT so far they have been more than willing to get involved when it comes to behavior and discipline. I seriously can't say how much it helps to have parents who want to work as a team. I am so, so thankful for parental support :)

Currently, my biggest struggles are getting my students to stop constantly blurting out, getting out of their seats, and talking while I'm talking/teaching. At times, it truly feels as though I've tried most everything I know - like I've pulled out all the strategies I tucked away from my college classes and still I'm at a loss for effective management skills. That's a discouraging feeling.
As terrible as this is, I'm actually relieved and even a bit happy to hear other teachers say that they aren't able to get through entire lessons yet or that their kids just won't stop talking. It makes me feel like I'm not an epic failure. It helps me to remember that it's not just me.

I have had some good conversations with other teachers at my school about ways to help manage my classroom more effectively. So despite, my growing feelings of helplessness, I am blessed to work with teachers who are willing to discuss and share ideas (another thing to be thankful for). I've come away from some of those conversations recently with a few new things to try in my classroom this week. Nothing is going to be a magic pill for these kids, but something's bound to work with time and consistency.

Please remember me in your prayers - I'm trying reeeeaaallly hard to stay positive!! I could use some help from the Big Guy upstairs!

Throw Me a Bone, Here!

After being away from work for almost the entire week with a stand of "para-influenza" and a case of strep, I went up to my school today for maybe an hour just to finish up testing my kids for literacy - because today is the deadline to have my reports in to the district (health aside).
While I was there, my principal saw me in the hallway and stopped to inform me that a parent of one of my students came to the office this week to request that her daughter be moved into another third grade teacher's classroom. Apparently my student has been telling her mom that I can't handle our class.
My principal encouraged both mom and daughter to give me more time since I'm brand new at this (not to mention adapting to such a challenging environment!). The mom agreed that was reasonable. The daughter said, "I'll give her one more week."
Nice.

I Choose JOY!

Yesterday I, along with my principal and four other teachers in my building, attended a professional development workshop. Despite wondering through most of the day whether or not my kids were tearing the classroom apart or learning anything at all while I was gone, I am so so thankful that I was at this particular conference. The timing couldn't have been better. It was, so to say, 'just what the doctor ordered.' After being in survival mode for a solid three weeks now, I left feeling empowered to walk back into my classroom with a fresh, more positive mindset! I was reminded that it's not silly, after all, to believe that I can change the world as a teacher.

The workshop was lead by a former teacher, principal, and now motivational speaker from the town of Purvis, Mississippi. He was engaging, enthusiastic, and focused on helping teachers live life to the fullest! But what stood out to me most is how incredibly positive his outlook is on life. He is obviously crazy in love with his wife and admires her deeply, speaks of his children with utmost affection, talks about enjoying extracurricular activities, AND he is still super enthusiastic about teaching and devoted to the profession!
I'm thinking, extracurricular?? I don't even know what that word means anymore! And I am stressed/sadened at just the thought of how much of my time I don't have to invest in close relationships because I'm pouring everything into my job.
So, I'm wondering…How does he balance it all? What does this guy have? What's his secret? Because whatever it is, I need it!

Come to find out, he didn't always have such a positive disposition.
As I was listening to him share his early experiences as a teacher, I was floored to hear that this man, who now seems to have everything figured out so perfectly, was in pretty much the exact same mode as I have been in - scraping by in his job, experiencing little joy, just trying to survive.
Praise the Lord, hallelujah! There's hope for me yet!

But, still, what's he got today that he didn't have then? What made the difference that brought him to the place he is now as a person and as an educator?

First of all, I know the most important thing he has is Jesus.
I'm not trying to be silly. It was written all over this guy. Truly. His joy was oozing almost.
Scriptural language was woven throughout his speech - things like "living a life of abundance" and "you reap what you sow." He spoke of each new day being a gift, not letting others steal your joy, and of how sometimes you have to go through the valleys of life to reach the mountain tops. He referenced quotes from Charles Swindoll, and he spoke of the value of giving our lives away to others. He even prayed before we had lunch. And the best part - he really meant the things he was saying. You could tell he lived it! He knew what was really important in life. And I'm convinced that's what made the difference for him.

Often times, for me, relying on God sounds nice. I like to think about relying on Him, and I casually ask for His help and guidance. But just thinking about living a life that is rooted in God isn't really proving to be very effective…Reflecting on the way of Christ and embracing it fully are two very different lifestyles. I need to live it, to breathe Him in if I want to thrive on the peace He has to offer in life. In order to make it at this school I need the source of my joy to come from something greater than myself.
When I was in Nepal, and my energy had run out, one of my team members prayed a prayer asking God to give us His heart for the people of Nepal - because we didn't love them enough to do what we were doing every day. We needed His love for them. His love, not ours, would keep us going.
I feel like that same prayer applies quite well to my need of His heart today for my students.

Sometime this summer, I came across this prayer with full intention of printing it and displaying it on my desk. That has yet to happen. But that doesn't mean it can't show up on my desk tomorrow:

For each of these was made in your image,
and it was for all that Christ gave his life.
May I see with your eyes and feel with your heart,
and may I be your hands and feet to these your people.
Amen.

Steering back from a bit of a tangent…
The presenter didn't over-spiritualize this workshop. If one was not very familiar with scripture, they honestly may not even have noticed. But I recognized the message of the bible in his words. And I'm not going to hide it - hearing the Truth of scripture woven into experienced wisdom on how to teach effectively and positively was a DOUBLE dose of refreshment!! Thank you, Lord! :)

There is another key ingredient to his recipe for a full life…His ridiculously POSITIVE ATTITUDE.
At my school, it is not an uncommon occurrence to see a teacher teary-eyed in a faculty meeting, crying in the workroom after school, walking down the hallway with a strained face… It's tough to stay positive in our environment. But you know what, we are letting our students steal our joy! We are allowing our circumstances to defeat us. And as unrealistic as it seems to uphold such a positive attitude at my school, I want to try. I need to try. I MUST try. For my sake, the sake of my students, and the people around me.

SO, with the strategies and tips I learned from the workshop I am also taking with me a renewed desire to depend on the Lord and to choose to focus on the positive!

There is a teacher in my building who has an amazing life story. And anytime someone asks him how he's doing he always has the same, genuine response. "Better than I deserve."
Isn't that so true for us all?

I'm going to leave you with the quote from Charles Swindoll that we were given yesterday. This is my most lengthy blog post yet, so if you've even made it this far I applaud you! Thank you for caring about me and my endeavor enough to read my thoughts :) And thank you, Father, for the inspiring day I had yesterday!

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on my life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is, we have a CHOICE every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. You…..we are in charge of our attitudes."

Thank Goodness for...

Dear Lord, Please Send Me an Angel

Another teacher at my school quit. He was my friend, too. We graduated from college together. So, within a few days of each other Miss M and Mr D have both left the building (literally).
This news made for a pretty discouraging start to my day, which only got worse.

I love holidays because I get a mental break, but I hate holidays because it's a well-known fact that students magically forget everything you've taught them about how to behave. Even over just a 3 day weekend? Yes. One extra day out of school is all they need. I had to put my head in my hands and literally pray to God for patience today so many times just to keep myself from going ballistic on them :( …Needless to say, I learned how easily my students feed off the negative energy I'm exuding.

Also, I stayed at the school until 8:30pm working tonight. That's 13 hours of my day spent at work. Insanity.
And I STILL don't feel like I got everything done.

It was simply not a good day.

I just can't seem to keep up with all the paperwork, emails, phone calls, lesson planning, copying, grading, organizing, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.
I would love to have an extra set of hands in my room to help cut down on all the tedious things I have to do after school hours instead of having a life.
Thus, I am praying for someone who would like to serve as an angel in my classroom. Literally, you would be an answer to prayer and a divine intervention. Anyone who has a couple of hours a week that they would like to spend volunteering in my classroom PLEASE say the word. I will utilize you and I will love you :)

I promise to post a more positive update soon. So far I feel like I'm making my job seem like a nightmare. It's not. It's really really really really really hard, but I am getting to positively impact the lives of these kids (God willing); and, at the end of the day, I have to remember that the kids are worth it.
(Right?)

Tomorrow will be better.

Please pray for me to have patience and a positive attitude.

A Sad Farewell

I was going to wait to post about this until sometime this weekend, but it's been on my mind the entire day so I decided to stay up even later than I should to blog about it.

Today was my first day to teach without my new (and dear) friend Miss M.
She was hired this year to teach 3rd grade, and her classroom was right next to mine. We became friends quickly, being the only new teachers on our team, and in a way she has been a lifeline for me the past couple of weeks. We had taken up planning together (since we were a few of the only crazies in the building who stayed up at the school working til 7pm), and we shared each other's burdens and frustrations.
Have you heard of the research that was done on the endurance of mice in water? (This will come full circle, I promise). Basically it went something like this: A mouse was placed in a water tank alone and swam for, let's say, 1 minute before it drowned (I don't remember the exact numbers, and google was not giving me anything useful). But, when two mice were placed in a water tank together, they swam for something crazy like a few hours before they tired out. Whatever the numbers were, I remember it was an incredible difference. Well, in a way, Miss M and I were like those mice - trying to keep our heads above water, fueled by the fact that another person was fighting alongside us.

I don't think a soul on earth could have predicted that this Wednesday morning would be a breaking point. Teaching in an environment such as ours causes one to become so emotionally worn that I'm convinced it could honestly happen to anyone of us at any given moment. Our hectic days are characterized by unpredictability…
I'm not sure I need to go into all the details that went into the difficult decision that was made yesterday, which resulted in my friend parting ways with our school …sigh… but I will truly miss her presence. Handing off her classroom keys to another person this morning was a heartbreaking moment for me :( She quite possibly has one of the kindest hearts of anyone I know (not exaggerating). I trust that the Lord has great things in store for her! That's what I keep feeling in my soul - that He has plans for her that are far better than anything we could dream up!

As the two of us were sitting at a local pub last night, enjoying our over-priced framboise beers, decompressing the crazy emotional day that had just come to pass; for an instant I was jealous of her haha…because I knew she would get to sleep-in this morning and not go spend her entire day with kids who don't appreciate her!!
So, Miss M, depending on how you view it, though you are now jobless and in the process of relocating your life (yet again), things may actually be looking up for you in comparison to those you are leaving behind! ;)
Please know how thankful I am that you were my buddy who braved the first two weeks of school alongside me. I miss you already, but am praying for your bright future!

Here's to taking the treasure and leaving the trash, sister!

Tantrums in Short

Step one: Student shoves tub of connecting cubes off desk


Step two: The desk and chair are quick to follow


Step three: Keep right on teaching the math lesson like normal
(wait, this doesn't happen in your classroom??)

Payback

Let me start out by saying that this post is dedicated to every teacher who had me as a student in class from K-8th grade…

On Friday, as I was reminding my students to stop talking for the upteenth time, I realized an element of truth in the saying "what goes around comes around."

In my elementary school days, I was certainly the student who struggled with can'tshutyourmouth syndrome. So, I was talkative. Big deal, right? Wrong. I was the student whose desk was frequently moved away from all other students/distractions (isolation island is what some have called it). I have a distinct memory of spending several weeks in 5th grade with my desk facing a blank wall.
If you know me well, then you already know that I have always loved sharing my thoughts/feelings with others… this generally doesn't work well while a teacher is talking, when one is supposed to be working silently… You name it - I was probably either chatting with my neighbor, quietly humming, blurting out, etc.

Several months ago, as I was sifting through some papers my mom saved from my younger years, I found this piece of incriminating evidence…


*Disclaimer: I do not condone this method of punishment, nor would I stake claim in its effectiveness (believe me, it doesn't work).

Needless to say, I am now being payed back in full.


(headed up to the school to spend my saturday planning!)

Day 5

Today it was my turn to cry. I cried for a solid 2 hours after I left school. Not joking.
As I trudged up the stairs to my apartment, a snotty mess, I wondered to myself what my students would think if they knew the effect they've had on me. Sigh. I'm exhausted by the amount of patience that is required of me each day, and overwhelmed by the work load. Jesus give me strength.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I'll spare you all the gory details of my day and leave you instead with this lovely message that a student wrote on the chalkboard during one of his fits.



On the bright side, at least he spelled all the words right and remembered to use punctuation…

Deeeeep breath. If you remember in the next few days, please say a prayer for me. There's a good chance that at that exact moment I'll be needing one.

Tears of Joy? I Think Not

Today, one of the men who teaches in my building was in tears by the end of the school day.
I believe his exact words were, "Why me??"
That is all I have to say.

Reality Sets In…..

Friends, I fear the honeymoon is drawing to an end…and so soon!? I must say I had hopes for my patience to stretch much, much further than this, ha! Maybe it's simply my subconscious being extremely aware of the fact that this week of school will last a full five days as compared to two days last week. Maybe it's the fact that I have at least four kids who are obviously attention deprived; and it would seem they have, for whatever reason, been socialized to get attention through negative behavior. That, and the fact that my throat hurts from having to talk over my kids pretty much the entire day (ahhhh). We are implementing a new behavior system at my school this year that emphasizes positive behavior education - framing the way we teach behavior similar to the way we would teach math facts: one does (hopefully) not get frustrated with a third grader for not mastering the concept of multiplication after only having learned it for three days. In the same way, we must realize that our kids have never learned positive ways to interact with others and/or handle their emotions. Most of them have never had positive behaviors modeled by the adults/older siblings in their lives. It takes time to develop those sills, just as it takes time to learn math facts. SO, patient I must be. But can I just say that *Begin Vent* it makes me want to….i don't even know what…when I have to ask my class to stop talking when I'm talking
over
and over
and over
and over
again.
Baaaaaaaaaa. I know THAT is something they've been taught since Pre-K. Come on, guys! You're in 3rd grade now!! You'd THINK they'd know the drill by now - when a teacher's voice goes on, yours goes off. NOPE! That must be one of the things about school that they conveniently forgot over the summer…..

At one point today I was talking with my kids and I reached a place where I thought to myself, "The best long term (and short term, really) plan for me to do at this point is pray." I was plotting in my mind coming home and intensely praying for an extra measure of patience for my job, and then praying specifically for the hearts of my kids - that the Holy Spirit would stir their hearts and grow in them a desire to be obedient!!!
Don't get me wrong, there are some really great kids in my class :) There are also those four…who pretty much push the limits the entire day - sometimes without even knowing they're doing it! Three out of the four are definitely rough around the edges; but, I think, in the right environment (surrounded by others who are making the right choices) they would likely gravitate towards making good choices themselves. But one, oh my one little mongrel who consistently chooses to act out no matter what the circumstance…when influenced by this particular student's behavior, the other three are, unfortunately, inclined to follow down the wrong path. Thus, I end up with four super challenging kids on my hands who demand about 95.7 percent of my attention; leaving a mere 4.3 percent left for the kids who are more often than not making the right choices each day. It's sad how that works out :( At my school, we are sooo focused on reaching out to those tough kids that it would seem the really great kids aren't recognized as much as they deserve to be. But, I'm aware of this unjustice (not even a word) and am making a significant effort to praise and encourage those kids as I notice them making good choices.

Bottom line - I just have to remember that most of these kids have likely never had positive behavior modeled, and that they need lots of extra patience in the meantime.

According to the saying, the third time is supposed to be a charm. Well, for me the third day was a reality check! And, boy, will I ever need the power of Jesus in me to be the loving, calm, patient person that is required to do this job well.
I still want to do this job at this school with every bone in my body. It's just that the challenge of the task before me is setting in. Tonight I'm digesting the reality of how difficult this is going to be.
...over a glass of wine…or two ;)

Thankfully, tomorrow is always a new day. And fresh starts are in order for all :)

The First Days of School

Well, the fact that you're reading this post at all tells that I survived!
This may seem like less of a big deal to some, but I consider it a small victory :) I think if you knew the school I am teaching in, then you may be on my side - which makes me realize that I haven't really given any background information on my school yet. For all intents and purposes of not getting sued, the information I do give is guaranteed to be vague.

I was hired to teach third grade at a public school in a low-income area. 100% of the students at my school qualify for free/reduced lunch. The student body is comprised of about 50% hispanic, 25% black, and 25% caucasian children. There are more than 700 students at my school, and I have roughly 20 students in my class...so far. Believe me, I'm praising the Lord each day to have such a low number (as compared to some schools/districts who are closer to 30 students per class); but we are expecting an increase in the population as several tend to show up after Labor Day……. I'm hoping for no more than 23!!! (Please, Lord!) Almost 90% of the first-third graders at my school are receiving reading remediation. I could go on about the high mobility rate and consistently lower than average test scores; but, I'm thinking you probably get the idea. In case some of you are feeling concerned, this wasn't one of those last resort job opportunities. I want to teach in a low income school, and I applied at this one intentionally :) I became a teacher to change the world! I realize that may sound almost cheap or disillusioned…but, I guess I am a dreamer to some extent, and I do believe that I can positively impact the life of a child this year - or maybe even all 20 children, God willing. And that IS changing the world, I think. Because children really are the future.
Amen!
Okay, I'm off my soap box!

After spending two days with my students, it is apparent that these kids will require a LOT of extra energy, attention, and patience. I'm not ashamed to say that I definitely checked my watch a few times wondering how much longer I had to buy time until specials or recess! But, I am truly excited about loving these kids until I'm exhausted (because that's how much it will take!). I believe in the abilities they don't even know they have yet. Even as I'm typing this post, I can feel my love for them growing! I'm thinking that's probably a REALLY good thing, because chances are I'm gonna need all the grace and love I can muster up in my heart!! haha

The truth is that I'm not sure if I will be able to succeed with flying colors as a first year teacher at this school. I'm not sure if I will be able to drastically raise my students' test scores. I'm not sure if I will even be able to bring them up to grade level. I'm not sure I won't have days where I'll wish I had chosen to teach in a different environment.
But I do know that I made it through two days! I made it through two days without losing my patience (and it was surely tested). I made it through two days without raising my voice (quite possibly a miracle). I made it through two days without writing a single student off (although I was tempted). And after assessing me for almost two days, one of the roughest girls in my class decided aloud on Friday (announced very frankly with one hand on her hip) that she liked me. THAT was a small, and cherished, victory for me.

As promised, a few of the "after" photos of my classroom are posted below. Again, I could never have done this alone without being utterly overwhelmed (and possibly losing my mind in the process)! A thousand thanks to my selfless aunts who spent, literally, hours working alongside me at the school and who made sure I wasn't missing too many meals! I love you guys.






And thank you, J, for sending me flowers and taking me out to celebrate my first day as a real teacher. Your thoughtfulness never ceases to amaze me. Really. xoxx

Setting the Stage

After countless feet of lamination, repeated rearranging of the desks/tables/shelves, lots of colored chart paper, several labels and staples, combined with some pretty darn wonderful helpers (who, at this point, I feel I owe my livelihood to) my classroom is finally "kid friendly"! Notice I didn't say it was ready…haha the semantics are key. I would honestly like to meet the teacher who says that there is absolutely nothing more he or she feels could be done in his or her classroom…I would probably high five them and then interrogate them (on behalf of the rest of us teachers who know they MUST be either lying or crazy). Just kidding :) It's very eye-opening to reflect on what I pictured my first day of school to be like - overly prepared, incredibly organized, well-rested, my classroom with everything in just the right place…those were lovely dreams :)
The good news is that it doesn't require the very best surroundings to be a good teacher. It takes things like patience, knowledge, perseverance, and a strong desire to positively influence the lives of children! That's the exciting part, for me :) I pray that the Lord continues to develop and refine those qualities in me!

Posted below are a few "before" photos of my classroom as it was when I walked in and plopped down my goods less than a week ago. Check back tomorrow to view the "after" photos!



I would like to give a special thanks to my two aunts, my boyfriend, and the friends who generously gave their time (and sweat) to help get my classroom in shape for the start of school! You are so very appreciated!!
Also, thank you Dollar Tree for being so wonderfully inexpensive. After scavenging just about every one of your stores in the OKC metroplex, you probably need to restock.

Say a prayer for me, if you would, when you finish reading this! Tomorrow's my first day as a REAL teacher!!!!!! WOW! :)