Payback

Let me start out by saying that this post is dedicated to every teacher who had me as a student in class from K-8th grade…

On Friday, as I was reminding my students to stop talking for the upteenth time, I realized an element of truth in the saying "what goes around comes around."

In my elementary school days, I was certainly the student who struggled with can'tshutyourmouth syndrome. So, I was talkative. Big deal, right? Wrong. I was the student whose desk was frequently moved away from all other students/distractions (isolation island is what some have called it). I have a distinct memory of spending several weeks in 5th grade with my desk facing a blank wall.
If you know me well, then you already know that I have always loved sharing my thoughts/feelings with others… this generally doesn't work well while a teacher is talking, when one is supposed to be working silently… You name it - I was probably either chatting with my neighbor, quietly humming, blurting out, etc.

Several months ago, as I was sifting through some papers my mom saved from my younger years, I found this piece of incriminating evidence…


*Disclaimer: I do not condone this method of punishment, nor would I stake claim in its effectiveness (believe me, it doesn't work).

Needless to say, I am now being payed back in full.


(headed up to the school to spend my saturday planning!)

Day 5

Today it was my turn to cry. I cried for a solid 2 hours after I left school. Not joking.
As I trudged up the stairs to my apartment, a snotty mess, I wondered to myself what my students would think if they knew the effect they've had on me. Sigh. I'm exhausted by the amount of patience that is required of me each day, and overwhelmed by the work load. Jesus give me strength.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I'll spare you all the gory details of my day and leave you instead with this lovely message that a student wrote on the chalkboard during one of his fits.



On the bright side, at least he spelled all the words right and remembered to use punctuation…

Deeeeep breath. If you remember in the next few days, please say a prayer for me. There's a good chance that at that exact moment I'll be needing one.

Tears of Joy? I Think Not

Today, one of the men who teaches in my building was in tears by the end of the school day.
I believe his exact words were, "Why me??"
That is all I have to say.

Reality Sets In…..

Friends, I fear the honeymoon is drawing to an end…and so soon!? I must say I had hopes for my patience to stretch much, much further than this, ha! Maybe it's simply my subconscious being extremely aware of the fact that this week of school will last a full five days as compared to two days last week. Maybe it's the fact that I have at least four kids who are obviously attention deprived; and it would seem they have, for whatever reason, been socialized to get attention through negative behavior. That, and the fact that my throat hurts from having to talk over my kids pretty much the entire day (ahhhh). We are implementing a new behavior system at my school this year that emphasizes positive behavior education - framing the way we teach behavior similar to the way we would teach math facts: one does (hopefully) not get frustrated with a third grader for not mastering the concept of multiplication after only having learned it for three days. In the same way, we must realize that our kids have never learned positive ways to interact with others and/or handle their emotions. Most of them have never had positive behaviors modeled by the adults/older siblings in their lives. It takes time to develop those sills, just as it takes time to learn math facts. SO, patient I must be. But can I just say that *Begin Vent* it makes me want to….i don't even know what…when I have to ask my class to stop talking when I'm talking
over
and over
and over
and over
again.
Baaaaaaaaaa. I know THAT is something they've been taught since Pre-K. Come on, guys! You're in 3rd grade now!! You'd THINK they'd know the drill by now - when a teacher's voice goes on, yours goes off. NOPE! That must be one of the things about school that they conveniently forgot over the summer…..

At one point today I was talking with my kids and I reached a place where I thought to myself, "The best long term (and short term, really) plan for me to do at this point is pray." I was plotting in my mind coming home and intensely praying for an extra measure of patience for my job, and then praying specifically for the hearts of my kids - that the Holy Spirit would stir their hearts and grow in them a desire to be obedient!!!
Don't get me wrong, there are some really great kids in my class :) There are also those four…who pretty much push the limits the entire day - sometimes without even knowing they're doing it! Three out of the four are definitely rough around the edges; but, I think, in the right environment (surrounded by others who are making the right choices) they would likely gravitate towards making good choices themselves. But one, oh my one little mongrel who consistently chooses to act out no matter what the circumstance…when influenced by this particular student's behavior, the other three are, unfortunately, inclined to follow down the wrong path. Thus, I end up with four super challenging kids on my hands who demand about 95.7 percent of my attention; leaving a mere 4.3 percent left for the kids who are more often than not making the right choices each day. It's sad how that works out :( At my school, we are sooo focused on reaching out to those tough kids that it would seem the really great kids aren't recognized as much as they deserve to be. But, I'm aware of this unjustice (not even a word) and am making a significant effort to praise and encourage those kids as I notice them making good choices.

Bottom line - I just have to remember that most of these kids have likely never had positive behavior modeled, and that they need lots of extra patience in the meantime.

According to the saying, the third time is supposed to be a charm. Well, for me the third day was a reality check! And, boy, will I ever need the power of Jesus in me to be the loving, calm, patient person that is required to do this job well.
I still want to do this job at this school with every bone in my body. It's just that the challenge of the task before me is setting in. Tonight I'm digesting the reality of how difficult this is going to be.
...over a glass of wine…or two ;)

Thankfully, tomorrow is always a new day. And fresh starts are in order for all :)

The First Days of School

Well, the fact that you're reading this post at all tells that I survived!
This may seem like less of a big deal to some, but I consider it a small victory :) I think if you knew the school I am teaching in, then you may be on my side - which makes me realize that I haven't really given any background information on my school yet. For all intents and purposes of not getting sued, the information I do give is guaranteed to be vague.

I was hired to teach third grade at a public school in a low-income area. 100% of the students at my school qualify for free/reduced lunch. The student body is comprised of about 50% hispanic, 25% black, and 25% caucasian children. There are more than 700 students at my school, and I have roughly 20 students in my class...so far. Believe me, I'm praising the Lord each day to have such a low number (as compared to some schools/districts who are closer to 30 students per class); but we are expecting an increase in the population as several tend to show up after Labor Day……. I'm hoping for no more than 23!!! (Please, Lord!) Almost 90% of the first-third graders at my school are receiving reading remediation. I could go on about the high mobility rate and consistently lower than average test scores; but, I'm thinking you probably get the idea. In case some of you are feeling concerned, this wasn't one of those last resort job opportunities. I want to teach in a low income school, and I applied at this one intentionally :) I became a teacher to change the world! I realize that may sound almost cheap or disillusioned…but, I guess I am a dreamer to some extent, and I do believe that I can positively impact the life of a child this year - or maybe even all 20 children, God willing. And that IS changing the world, I think. Because children really are the future.
Amen!
Okay, I'm off my soap box!

After spending two days with my students, it is apparent that these kids will require a LOT of extra energy, attention, and patience. I'm not ashamed to say that I definitely checked my watch a few times wondering how much longer I had to buy time until specials or recess! But, I am truly excited about loving these kids until I'm exhausted (because that's how much it will take!). I believe in the abilities they don't even know they have yet. Even as I'm typing this post, I can feel my love for them growing! I'm thinking that's probably a REALLY good thing, because chances are I'm gonna need all the grace and love I can muster up in my heart!! haha

The truth is that I'm not sure if I will be able to succeed with flying colors as a first year teacher at this school. I'm not sure if I will be able to drastically raise my students' test scores. I'm not sure if I will even be able to bring them up to grade level. I'm not sure I won't have days where I'll wish I had chosen to teach in a different environment.
But I do know that I made it through two days! I made it through two days without losing my patience (and it was surely tested). I made it through two days without raising my voice (quite possibly a miracle). I made it through two days without writing a single student off (although I was tempted). And after assessing me for almost two days, one of the roughest girls in my class decided aloud on Friday (announced very frankly with one hand on her hip) that she liked me. THAT was a small, and cherished, victory for me.

As promised, a few of the "after" photos of my classroom are posted below. Again, I could never have done this alone without being utterly overwhelmed (and possibly losing my mind in the process)! A thousand thanks to my selfless aunts who spent, literally, hours working alongside me at the school and who made sure I wasn't missing too many meals! I love you guys.






And thank you, J, for sending me flowers and taking me out to celebrate my first day as a real teacher. Your thoughtfulness never ceases to amaze me. Really. xoxx

Setting the Stage

After countless feet of lamination, repeated rearranging of the desks/tables/shelves, lots of colored chart paper, several labels and staples, combined with some pretty darn wonderful helpers (who, at this point, I feel I owe my livelihood to) my classroom is finally "kid friendly"! Notice I didn't say it was ready…haha the semantics are key. I would honestly like to meet the teacher who says that there is absolutely nothing more he or she feels could be done in his or her classroom…I would probably high five them and then interrogate them (on behalf of the rest of us teachers who know they MUST be either lying or crazy). Just kidding :) It's very eye-opening to reflect on what I pictured my first day of school to be like - overly prepared, incredibly organized, well-rested, my classroom with everything in just the right place…those were lovely dreams :)
The good news is that it doesn't require the very best surroundings to be a good teacher. It takes things like patience, knowledge, perseverance, and a strong desire to positively influence the lives of children! That's the exciting part, for me :) I pray that the Lord continues to develop and refine those qualities in me!

Posted below are a few "before" photos of my classroom as it was when I walked in and plopped down my goods less than a week ago. Check back tomorrow to view the "after" photos!



I would like to give a special thanks to my two aunts, my boyfriend, and the friends who generously gave their time (and sweat) to help get my classroom in shape for the start of school! You are so very appreciated!!
Also, thank you Dollar Tree for being so wonderfully inexpensive. After scavenging just about every one of your stores in the OKC metroplex, you probably need to restock.

Say a prayer for me, if you would, when you finish reading this! Tomorrow's my first day as a REAL teacher!!!!!! WOW! :)