Reality Sets In…..

Friends, I fear the honeymoon is drawing to an end…and so soon!? I must say I had hopes for my patience to stretch much, much further than this, ha! Maybe it's simply my subconscious being extremely aware of the fact that this week of school will last a full five days as compared to two days last week. Maybe it's the fact that I have at least four kids who are obviously attention deprived; and it would seem they have, for whatever reason, been socialized to get attention through negative behavior. That, and the fact that my throat hurts from having to talk over my kids pretty much the entire day (ahhhh). We are implementing a new behavior system at my school this year that emphasizes positive behavior education - framing the way we teach behavior similar to the way we would teach math facts: one does (hopefully) not get frustrated with a third grader for not mastering the concept of multiplication after only having learned it for three days. In the same way, we must realize that our kids have never learned positive ways to interact with others and/or handle their emotions. Most of them have never had positive behaviors modeled by the adults/older siblings in their lives. It takes time to develop those sills, just as it takes time to learn math facts. SO, patient I must be. But can I just say that *Begin Vent* it makes me want to….i don't even know what…when I have to ask my class to stop talking when I'm talking
over
and over
and over
and over
again.
Baaaaaaaaaa. I know THAT is something they've been taught since Pre-K. Come on, guys! You're in 3rd grade now!! You'd THINK they'd know the drill by now - when a teacher's voice goes on, yours goes off. NOPE! That must be one of the things about school that they conveniently forgot over the summer…..

At one point today I was talking with my kids and I reached a place where I thought to myself, "The best long term (and short term, really) plan for me to do at this point is pray." I was plotting in my mind coming home and intensely praying for an extra measure of patience for my job, and then praying specifically for the hearts of my kids - that the Holy Spirit would stir their hearts and grow in them a desire to be obedient!!!
Don't get me wrong, there are some really great kids in my class :) There are also those four…who pretty much push the limits the entire day - sometimes without even knowing they're doing it! Three out of the four are definitely rough around the edges; but, I think, in the right environment (surrounded by others who are making the right choices) they would likely gravitate towards making good choices themselves. But one, oh my one little mongrel who consistently chooses to act out no matter what the circumstance…when influenced by this particular student's behavior, the other three are, unfortunately, inclined to follow down the wrong path. Thus, I end up with four super challenging kids on my hands who demand about 95.7 percent of my attention; leaving a mere 4.3 percent left for the kids who are more often than not making the right choices each day. It's sad how that works out :( At my school, we are sooo focused on reaching out to those tough kids that it would seem the really great kids aren't recognized as much as they deserve to be. But, I'm aware of this unjustice (not even a word) and am making a significant effort to praise and encourage those kids as I notice them making good choices.

Bottom line - I just have to remember that most of these kids have likely never had positive behavior modeled, and that they need lots of extra patience in the meantime.

According to the saying, the third time is supposed to be a charm. Well, for me the third day was a reality check! And, boy, will I ever need the power of Jesus in me to be the loving, calm, patient person that is required to do this job well.
I still want to do this job at this school with every bone in my body. It's just that the challenge of the task before me is setting in. Tonight I'm digesting the reality of how difficult this is going to be.
...over a glass of wine…or two ;)

Thankfully, tomorrow is always a new day. And fresh starts are in order for all :)